Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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