I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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