I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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