Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
