Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize