is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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