we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
