dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
