It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
