this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize