Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
