eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
