thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize