Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
