You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please come you make the beer taste better
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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