Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
