you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Randomize
