i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize