wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
