Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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