the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
