It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
