So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
