it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
