Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize