I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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