i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
