Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
