From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
