Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The air taste purple.
Randomize