As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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