he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
