If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
