I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
