I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
