I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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