Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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