this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
