be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
