I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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