so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
