hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
