You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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