What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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