we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
