I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
