Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
