I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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