operation harelip BJ is a go
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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