He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
