I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize