You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
