She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
