i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
