Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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