wat bout pragnant strippers??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
