Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
