She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's always time for handjobs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
