I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
