did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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