Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
