alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
