I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You are the jesus of drinking
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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