so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
