my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
