You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
