I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
