If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I see more hoeing in ur future
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