once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
