what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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