Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
