I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize