Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
